Live For Today

      Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, and that's why they call it the present. The gift of life is only given once. I would expect that you would aim to use it to its fullest extent. Additionally, life is distracting and will throw you in every which way if you give it the chance. Whoever loses themselves along the way, will be looked down upon most times. For me, this trip to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, was one of those trips where I needed to find my true self in the midst of all my blood, sweat, tears,and incredibly hard work.

      Cambodia was an absolutely unforgettable experience for me. I learned that I can love better than ever when I drop my pride and simply let the love coming streaming in. After I dropped my ego, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was able to not only let the waterfall of love all around me trickle down in to my heart but also rid myself of any negative energy that I seemed to be carrying. This trip has shown me that being my true self is okay, and that if people don't like who you truly are, than they are completely not worth your time.

       I learned this by the many examples I had while on this trip. The main example was the kids. To be honest, I originally went on this trip for myself, to accept myself, and I accomplished that. But as soon as I saw that first kid's face running to us in the tuk tuk on the first morning, I immediately knew that this trip was not for me anymore. It was for those gorgeous children who I knew just by one look, would take anything that they could get. It was really always for them. I put my heart and soul into giving everything I had in me into each one of those kids every single day. There were so many times that I felt as if I not only wanted to, but needed to stop. Just the thought of how happy they would be when I finished each task was my inspiration. I will never forget these kids, and the amazing part, is that I know they'll never forget me.

      I had so many new experiences on this trip. I saw so many things I thought I would never see. I didn't just step out of my comfort zone, I took a leap out of it; and that's something that not many people can say. I have many additions to my family and all I can say at the moment is that I am so thankul. I am thankful for being chosen, for being alive, for having a family and a home, but most of all, I am thankful for all the love I have attained thus far not only in this trip, but throughout my entire life. I look forward to the future, where I will take everything I have learned and observed and put it to good use. But at the moment, all we can do is live in the present, and let it be a goal for everything and everyone to live for right now, and be the best you that you can be. That way, when you're coming to the end of your days, you can look back on your life and be so proud of everything that you have done and you can permanently rest knowing that you gave everything that you had into your life and that you were loved and will continue to be loved endlessly because that is what you have earned. You have earned genuine love and happiness, and that can never be replaced. 

Glass Half Full

           I always aim to look at life as a glass half full.  If you do see the glass as half full it means that you see life through an optimist’s point of view. If I was speaking of yesterday, my glass seemed to be half full of tears. I was so devastated to be leaving the kids but on the other hand I was incredibly happy that I had made such an impact on all of their lives. My group and I had built them a home, I had given most of them a sister or just simply someone they could call family. To them, that was more than amazing because they are the kind of children who will take any sort of caring or happiness that they can get. They don’t care if you’re beautiful, ugly, tall, fat, rich, or poor, they’ll take you for better or worse as long as you give them love and kindness and never forget who they are and the impact that they had made on you. I will never forget these kids and the love I have for them will continue on through the rest of my life.

           I have worked harder than I ever have in my entire life, the kids deserve so much more than they have but at the moment, that’s all that they have and they use every last bit of it. I aim to achieve that point of being able to withstand all the pain that I have to go through and come out strong in the end, just like them.  

You Only Live Once

        Every day is a reward. Yes, some may be better than others, but that’s what life is able to throw at you. It helps you to be a better you. Yesterday we finished the boys’ house. It felt so amazing to go back to the guesthouse and know that I had just taken part in building not a house, but a home. I participated in helping to better the kids by simply giving them a place to rest their hard working bodies. What’s more, life is always full of new experiences. In the afternoon, we put on a little show. I was able to bring smiles to so many peoples’ faces just by doing a little dance and looking absolutely ridiculous while doig it. Additionally, the boys got up and danced and believe me when I tell you, their twerking and feminine dancing was worth more than just smiles. One of our main goals here is to make these gorgeous children happy or at the least, happier. I know we achieved that, not only by physically building, but also by mentally building them up in order to show them that they can do anything their hearts desire if they presently set their minds to it.

Read Into It

Don’t judge a book by its cover. The cover of Cambodia is not the most beautiful, but its contents are some of the most unique things in the world. The Andong Village is outside and all around the orphanage. We call it the slums and we walk through it in order to get to the school and library where we babysit, tutor, and teach. I was disgusted by how ugly and smelly it was because I’ve never been to any place like that. Yet when you’re walking through it, almost every time you pass by, the people who live there wave at you. You are strangers who are virtually inside their home, and the only way they treat you is kind. I am nearing the end of my trip here, and I feel so grateful to not only have been chosen to read this book, but also for everything I have back home. Walking through the slums I realized that. I’m not so happy that it took me seeing the slums to understand, but I’m really happy that I did.

Yesterday a boy named Nerot who had met Nikko Weiss on a previous trip had gotten a present from her. We had him open it, and the look on his face was absolutely unforgettable. It made me feel so happy and I wasn’t even the one giving it. The present was what we would think of as a few simple things but to him, you could tell that it meant the world. You see, the cover of the present was not the most diverse, but to someone who cares enough, the “book” becomes a treasure, and the treasure becomes happiness. 

As The Tree of Life Grows

    To me, emotions are the roots to our actions. I compare both our thoughts and emotions to a tree. Think of it as the tree of life. As you grow, you attain more knowledge of who you are and what you do. Today my emotions were again, quite scattered. Srey May and Srey Nyet, two little girls at the orphanage asked me to be their sister.When they asked me, I was more than ecstatic and quite speechless with both of them at first. That was only because I was incredibly astonished by them. Those little girls knowing me for as short of a time as they have, and trusting me enough to allow me to take on that sister role, was surprising. I was so overjoyed and of course I said yes. If that experience was a part of the tree, I would call it a supportive branch because I can look back and remember it after I leave and look to it whenever I need support or even a little slice of happiness. 

    The children, to me, are like sunshine. They have nothing, yet they give everything and anything they can. They have given three bracelets and one necklace so far, all hand made, which means a lot to me.They're additionally like the sun in that even when they give and aren't treated with the respect they deserve, or are even noticed, they just continue to give. They never cease to give as the sun never ceases to shine.
    The boys' house is being built incredibly fast. I am so glad that I could be a part of something so important that it will be utilized to it's last stand. Just as I have now decided to actually live until my tree of life finally falls.

The Foundation for Our Journeys

       Every journey begins with a foundation. For some, the journey may not be long, but somehow there's always a great story at the end. These kids may not have had the best life, or the most toys, but they all have amazing stories already. The past two days, we built the foundation and frame for the boys house. The kids are much like the foundation in many ways. The frame is their background, not the strongest in the world, but it will hold through all the storms or obstacles that are thrown at it. It's strong enough to hold steady, and sturdy enough to push through. These orphans are not invincible, but they are immaculately strong, both mentally and physically and seeing how much strength and happiness they contain gives me hope for others who are struggling and have struggled. I feel certain that they'll find the light at the end of the tunnel, and that even in my darkest moments, I will find the light as well.

     Their skills seem to have no end. They know what they have and they use every last bit of it. That's what I admire about the way they live. That's what I will strive to be like in the future. Able to get back up every time I'm thrown around. Hopefully, by accomplishing that, I will be able to lead by example, and teach others what I've learned. Something we should all live by is, we simply have what we have. Even if our foundation is not strong and mighty, the sooner we learn how to use what we have, the better life will be for everyone.

Workin' Hard or Hardly Workin'

       They say hard work always pays off in the end. Well I don't need it to be "payed off". The work I'm doing here is my pay. And if my work is "money", then thus far I have a lot. Today I raked an entire volleyball court of stiff mud. I lifted more than twice my weight in sand and rocks over and over again. I picked out every last blade of grass in a rather large area and every piece was worth the pull. I worked incredibly hard. My hands have calluses and blisters and I have attained so many cuts, bruises, and scrapes that you would think I never stopped working in my life. But that's okay because to me, they are just battle wounds.

      My battle is to get through all the pain, the heavy lifts, the dehydration and the times I feel so weak that I could faint. But I push through those battles to win the war. When the war is won, (the war being my trip), I know it will be incredibly rewarding because I will have brought even the slightest bit of joy to these wonderful orphaned children who have the biggest hearts, and smiles, ever. Their compassion is something that I not only respect, but that I love. They are the payoff, they are the key to winning to war, they also are the key for renewing my negative thoughts, and the key to opening my heart. All I need to realize this was a little time a lot of love, which is exactly what I got from these gorgeous kids. 

Mind On a Rollercoaster

     

           Cambodia is many things. It may not be the cleanest, but it is beautiful in my eyes. One of the ways that it's beauty shines is through the huge hearts of it's people. You can see it in all of their features, especially in their kind eyes, and gentle yet incredibly big smiles. Our group journeyed to the S-21 Killing fields and a school that was converted to a prison called Toul Sleng during the reign of Khmer Rouge. During these heartbreaking tours, I realized how thankful I need to be for the life I get to live. It pains me to think how much suffering so many of these people had to go through, but it makes me feel better to know and experience the strength these people have and how well they are able to "roll with the punches." Throughout the day, I was completely overcome with emotions, which were very scattered at first because I didn't know what to think or do when I saw and heard all of the pain that they had endured. It's difficult to describe how I felt, but summed up, everything in my heart and body, including all of my thoughts and emotions, felt like they were somehow being cut in two. It felt as if there was nothing that I could do except sit back and take it all in.

         Then it was as though the happy-sad switch in my mind flipped as soon as I saw those gorgeous childrens' happy faces at the orphanage. It may not have been all of them, or even half, but the ones that were there were just enough for me, if not more, and I can not wait to meet the rest of them. Thus far on my trip to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, I have gained a new outlook on not only how wonderful my life is, but also how grateful I need to be for it. Additionally, on the rest of my trip, one of my goals will be to be more like the beautiful and kind hearted people of Cambodia. I will accomplish this by learning how to better myself, so that I can later help to better others.

The Flying Days.

            We have arrived in Seoul, South Korea and it just so happens that we have a 12 hour layover and we are in this amazing lounge passing time as if we didn't even need to. My experience thus far has actually been amazing, I love plane rides even if they're only for an hour, so it was actually a huge privilege for me to have a 12 hour plane ride. My ride consisted of watching movies and sleeping almost the whole time and that was fantastic because those two things are some of my favorite things to do. Something that surprised us is that the two cambodia trips happened to overlap in both of our layovers so we got to hangout with Keelin, Makena, and Meaghan. That was a fun and unique experience and something that was helpful for a newbie going into the trip. They didn't want to share much with us because they wanted us to be able to have our own experiences but the girls shared enough with Rachel and I to make us very anxious but also incredibly excited. 

            I am so excited and thankful that I got this opportunity with the help of so many of my friends and family and I cannot thank you all enough but I can try. :) So thank you to everyone that helped me to get here. I really cannot wait to get there and start creating my own memories. I have so much to love already and the trip has only just begun. Thank you for all your support, I could have done this without all of your beliefs in me; so I'm saying a huge thank you to one and all who have helped me to get to this beautiful place.

Cambodia~Expectations and New Outlooks

This Summer, I will be traveling to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Here I will be helping orphaned children who just want to have a decently normal life. The rest of my team and I will be providing love, support, laughter, and many other important aspects of normal life to these children. We will be working very hard at the orphanage located in Cambodia so that these children can make the best out of what they have even though it may not be much. I am very excited to be able to help them in any way I possibly can and in doing that, boosting their confidence, and even just simply making them smile.

To be honest, I already know that this will not be any sort of leisure trip and I am just fine with that. I know we will be working very hard in very hot conditions but it's for such a good cause that I don't think that will bother me so much. It won't bother me because I know I'll be working hard for such a truly extraordinary reason. I am slightly scared not about the children, or the work load, but about the language, the food, the different settings and surroundings, and especially the bargaining. Although I want change on this trip, I am really not used to it and so when it comes to getting change, I get rather scared or nervous. For example, when I'm trying to bargain, I am incredibly shy to people I don't know and I really don't like to push people so most times I settle for what they want or like. With saying that, I'm not sure about how low of a price I can get. But that's what I am up for trying, but I may end up needing a little help. So yes I am scared but that's all part of the experience and I am looking at this trip as glass half full so I will just hope it will break me out my shell. I'm very happy to be able to have been lucky enough to receive this opportunity and I'm ready to take on the many challenges that come along with it.

I think things in Cambodia will be very different then Colorado. First of all, I know it will be much hotter there and the living conditions will be very different. But that's precisely what I am hoping for; new things, new experiences, new outlooks. I am going to love to be able to put myself in their shoes even if it's just for a small amount of time and with this trip, I will be able to do that.  I'm looking forward to having a once in a lifetime experience and I am so glad that CGA gave me the chance to get it.